just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
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