What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
