Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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