HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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