Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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