: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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