i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
