I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
