**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
