1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I deserve this hangover.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
