he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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