I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Randomize
