I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
