I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
