Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
