the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
