Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
