So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
