you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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