My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
