just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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