looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
