It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
