If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
