a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
