Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
