hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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