I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
