Jerry, you need to find god
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
