i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
