They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
