just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
