playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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