Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
