if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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