end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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