RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
