Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
