that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
