If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
