i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
