I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
