Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
