dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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