I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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