You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
