I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
