he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
