Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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