You made me cry and you don't even care
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
